Joe is yelling at the trees again.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
