Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
