how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.