we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably