Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.