Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.