dude i'm inner monologue high
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together