No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing