i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
