How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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