That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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