I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
