Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
