my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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