Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
