nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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