So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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