I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
