it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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