you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
