This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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