There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
