The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
