It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
