he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
