Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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