I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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