I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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