I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
