I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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