I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
