I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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