This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
