that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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