yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
