Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
