what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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