She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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