Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
