He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
