you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize