Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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