i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
