last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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