Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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