Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
