You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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