i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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