oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married