No awkward lesbian experiences without me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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