I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.