I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?