We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
