There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
