She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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