I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How drunk are you?
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