he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
