My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize