May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
