its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He better not be in your backpack
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
