my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wear drunk well.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
