i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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