dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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