2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
