Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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