My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
