oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
