wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
