Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
