I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
