True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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