Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
