I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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