my phone needs a breathalizer
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
