she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
