Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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