If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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