I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
