T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
